For me, being skinny is important. I tried so hard to be skinny even i'm already skinny. I don't want to be fat. Even a little fat in a part of my body disturb me a lot. I think i wanna look better, but the other reaseon is that fat, you know, block up my moves. I can't run freely, i can't stretch freely, and so on.
I have experienced that feeling (blocked up by fat) when i was in the 9th Grade. I gained a lot of weight (i was 45 kg. Yeah, maybe people thinking that it's alright, but i don't) and it feels like there were bunches of fat on my tummy. I felt weird when i sat down and my pants suddenly becoming really tight. And i was like "Oh my God, i'm dead"
Long long ago, i didn't understand why girls want to go on a diet, starving, and so'on, to be skinny. But, after that time, i'm becoming one of them! I suddenly understand it. So, i go on a diet.
Well, actually not really a diet cause i always gave up when i just started it. I find that it was very hard to squeeze my appetite to foods. You know, they are like my heaven. But then i realized, "if i continue like this, it will not work" so i tried hard to convince myself that i can do it, and i will be really happy and grateful to lose those fats. This short suffering will worth for years. Yeah! I can do it!
I reduzed my meal portion, ran-in-place everyday, sit-ups, etc. And lost 2 kilos! I was so happy ^^
But i was not really satisfied cos there still fats on my tummy. Grrr~ why you're still there? I was mad to my own self cause i still couldn't get rid of them. I'm "galau" almost everyday.... What should I do? Should I just not eat. No, that's dangerous. And I love to eat. Or should i just exercising everyday? No, that's dangerous too. I might collapse, or maybe a will have muscular legs (NOOO~!!!)
Being confused by myself, i gave up, with my 43 kilos of weight...
But then time is running fast, i remembered to pay off my "fasting debt". It's about 15 days and i thought that i was going to pay it by installments, but then i thought about to pay it everyday. You know, while fasting, losing weight. I, myself, was thinking that it was an absurd idea (to fasting everyday). i thought i wont be able to do that.
But i tried to, and i did! Yeah i did. And 15 days are just went by. But i still continued to fasting because i think that i was not loosing enough weight.
But then my mom scolded me. She hate to see me fasting everyday and she was affraid that i would not growing normally (coz maybe i'm lack of nutritions) I measure my weight everyday and felt a bit guilty to watched the number is dropping continuously (38 kilos). I started to think about my mom's word. Yeah, how if i can't grow normally? i want to be tall!
But, i was confused. How can i maintain my appetite but still giving as much nutritions as before (i started my diet)? My mom, then said, "why don't you do Daud fasting? You wont get any reward from God if you fasting everyday, but you will if you do Daud fasting. And you still can control your appetite!"
Yeah, that's a great idea! It will be better than fasting everyday! Right?
So, it's me now! ^_^ with my 40 kilos weight. I feel much better! I don't have to starve everyday. I still can eat my favorite daily foods. And insya allah, i will get a reward! :D
well, maybe some, or most of you may think that i'm insane, coz 40 kilos is already a small number. But so what? I feel comfortable with it, and i will keep fasting coz believe me, my mom will scold me too cause i will eat everything if I don't (fasting) xp As long as i can do my daily activity normally, not getting sick, etc, i will keep doing it. But I WILL gain weight, IF ONLY i get taller. Hehehe :D
actually i don't know my point of writing this post. Maybe i just wanna share my story, or maybe i just wanna to convince my own self that what i'm doing now is alright and nothing have to be worried about. mm, i thinks it's the second one c:
My note: Everyone has their own opinion and concept. So maybe some of you think that having fat is just alright. But that's you. And this is me. I really like to be skinny. But i totally would not hate those who have big body, cause I think that unreasonable act is just ridiculous.
I love myself now, and i happily accept the variety of life. Cause that's what make it fun.
Good night! ^^